


All I have

by LelaMael



Series: Circle of memories [1]
Category: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012), Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Seth Grahame-Smith
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 04:15:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelaMael/pseuds/LelaMael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are days which are good for memories. This is the story of an old love, centuries old and still .. the memories are fresh and new. Someone is remembering a beginning, the following and the here and now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I have

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. This is my first story here and one of my first in english. I am no native speaker and I hope you'll be kind with me :) A big thank you and a hug to my beta DrWhoLocked :D You've done a great job honey! 
> 
> So enjoy :)

It’s broad daylight. You don't know what time it is but you know the date. It's the middle of December barely a week before Christmas. It's snowing outside, you can smell it. Inside it is warm and half-dark, the curtains closed. You don't fulfil too many vampire clichés but this one: sleeping during the day. A typical vampire cliché. Right now Henry is the only one sleeping, he's cuddled up against you, his cold hand on your chest, his breath even and steady. You watch him sleeping while caressing his hair, gently and carefully so you don't wake him. This picture is so familiar for you. He’s been by your side for more years than a human lifetime and you can’t imagine a life without him. Not anymore. In all those years you had enough time to collect a lot of memories and on days like these you look at them. Closing your eyes you drift off into your memories.

~

  _When Henry touches you the first time – it’s not actually the first time, but the first time you are aware of– you feel the coldness of his skin right through your clothes and you instantly begin to shiver. It is midsummer, hot and almost intolerably sticky. You have been in an exhausting axe fight and sweat is running down your spine. His hands – with which he corrects your stance - are so cold that you turn around to face him and your gaze wanders from his hands to his face and back. “Jesus, you're as cold as ice,” you say and Henry laughs, brushes off your words like they don’t matter. “You should move,” he suggests, stepping back. The question if he's alright is still on the tip of your tongue but you don't ask. You don't dare ask something that personal. You still don't really know who he is and what his intentions are. You notice that he pays more attention to not touching you again, at least no more than necessary._

 

_You sometimes wonder if Henry is cold all the time. It seems likely since he always wears long sleeves, even when it is way too hot to even move.Late at night, when the air finally cools and you relax over a book, he always curls himself up on the sofa with a dressing gown or a blanket … or both. Sometimes he even lights a fire and sits so near to it that, were it you, you would get blisters. He doesn’t. Instead it seems he would like to melt into the warmth of the fire. You never ask him about it but you pay more attention to it than you should, always making sure that there is enough timber and an extra blanket. It will be yearsfrom that summer before you finally understand why Henry has such a longing for warmth._

_~_

 You never really understood why he was constantly longing for warmth until the night you found out about his undead nature. From that night on you never again wonder about it. You didn't spend much time with him after that night – not until your life was … changing – but when you did, you never once thought it was strange. It seemed to be quite logical to you.

 He moves slightly, cuddles closer, resting his head on your shoulder, mumbling something softly to himself in his sleep. You gently drop a kiss on his temple before you let yourself drift back into the memories.

~

  _The way Henry moves is … indescribable. Light as a feather and at the same time he carries himself like a man who knows what he's capable of. He is so fast, so_ damn _fast. Sometimes so fast you can’t even really see how he moves. Sometimes you wonder if he was just near the door and then you blink and he's right_ beside _you. When he shows you how to move absolutely silently on the forest floor there is not a single twig cracking under his feet. You feel kind of clumsy seeing how he moves so easily through the difficult terrain without making_ any _kind of noise. It is even worse when you see him on the roads, moving easily through all those people without drawing attention to himself and without raising any dust. You don’t understand why no one notices him. You would. You always will. He answers your question about it with a half-smile and sad eyes._

 “ _I was raised to be a hunter. While you were still playing with your friends I learned how to kill someone like ...,” he pauses, his gaze dropping to the floor. In later years you will learn that this is a sign that he's hiding something, but you don't know that yet. He looks up again, right into your eyes. “Something way faster and bigger than me. I didn't learn much else in my … childhood.” You feel sad about that even though your own childhood wasn’t fun. It sounds like his was even darker._

  _The way Henry deals with the axe, the sword or a knife tells you that he has a lot more experience than a man his age should have – even having been raised to be a hunter. You aren't able to fight like him. Sure you manage to win a fight now and then but sometimes you wonder if it is possible for a human to be_ that _good,_ that _fast._

  _You ask him once and he simply smiles his gorgeous smile and doesn't answer you at all. He distracts you and you don't think about your question again until days later. You never ask again._

_~_

 To this day – more than a whole lifetime after you first met – you aren't able to imitate some of his movements in a fight. He is still way too fast for you even with your years of experience. Today you think you had known back then. You already knew _who_ or to be more exact _what_ Henry was. You've known for quite a while, before you learned about it for real. You just never really connected all the clues you had before. Maybe you didn't want to.

~

  _You find Henry in a small alleyway still bent over his … prey. When you approach him you feel like you want to die right there. You have to face a truth you can barely shoulder. Your mentor, the man who saved your life in a thousand possible ways – is a vampire. A vampire! One of the monsters you have sworn to kill. Instead of killing Henry, you listen. His story is short and you can't shake the feeling he's still hiding something from you. All you'll really remember from that night is the trembling of Henry's hands, the blood on his face and his tremulous voice. His beautiful voice with the british accent, which is now thick with pain and fatigue. You don't ask more. You never ask who he was before he was turned. Later, when time moves on, there'll be days you regret not asking, but not now. Now you just get back on your feet, say thank you, goodbye and walk away. You don't look back. If you did, you would see Henry crumple, but you didn't look back and you'll never know._

  _When he shows up at your wedding you nearly can’t suppress the urgent need to kill him right then and there, but there is something in his eyes that holds you back. His gaze tells you a story about a hunter who forgot that one can too easily lose what matters the most in his life. You don't listen to him. Instead you tell him to go and never come back._

  _This time you look him right in the eyes whilst saying those words and you recognise a kind of shadow in his gaze that you've never seen before._

  _The rest of your wedding day you have trouble keeping your mind in the present. Years later, you'll understand why. Right now it is just a distraction you don't want to have. Mary asks about Henry and you find yourself unable to answer her questions. You don't know how old Henry is and you certainly don't know what he does for living. Except that he hunts humans … but that is nothing you want to tell Mary._

  _Henry doesn't seem to do well with rules. He shows up again not long after your wedding and you don't ask him to leave again. Instead you just listen to his stories and sometimes you even laugh at his jokes. It's not like it was, but you don't want it to be._

_~_

 Henry moves slightly in your arms, he murmurs softly but he doesn't wake up. Not fully. There is a tiny movement like he is trying to open his eyes but he doesn't. That is good; you still have some memories to go through. You gently paint imaginary circles on his bare cold skin with a fingertip, feather-light, so he sinks back into deep sleep. You are happy that he isn't really dreaming. The last nightmare was unpleasant and you can't stand the pain in his eyes.

 ~

  _Henry doesn’t spend much time with you after you and Mary move into the White House, but when he does Willie is always excited about his visit. Your little boy loves to sit on Henry’s lap and listen to the vampire’s soft voice telling him stories about adventures, fairy tales and singing lullabies. Willie doesn't find it strange in any way that Henry feels cold to touch; he never once flinches away from the vampire’s hand or shivers in his arms. You know that Mary thinks he is strange and she doesn't like him much but she is always nice to him because Willie likes him. You're glad that she doesn't ask why he isn't ageing. You couldn't answer that question anyway. Not without giving your secret away._

  _Your son loves Henry and to be honest … Henry loves your son. When Willie is killed you can see the pain in Henry's eyes, although you aren't sure if it is the pain of losing the boy or seeing you suffer. You never ask. You really never ask any of those questions going through your mind and Henry never tries to answer them. You know that he knows about your questions. That he isn't answering them in one of his many stories is answer enough. Kneeling on the other side of your boy's bed Henry makes you an offer that you can barely resist. You would do anything to get your boy back but it wouldn't be your boy anymore.After Willie’s death you understand that Henry knows exactly what you are going through. It is what he had gone through too. That is the pain you've seen in his eyes a hundred times but never really could find a name for. Now you can and you wish you couldn't._

  _It's the pain of losing what you love the most._

  _After the night you lost your boy, Henry spent less time with you than before. On one of his rare evenings in your office he says something about his past that leaves you speechless. It's the first time he has done so and the last time in this life._

 “ _There are things, Abe, I have seen and done ... you wouldn't believe me. I have seen horror in its finest colours and … have seen so much blood, war and … unbearable pain and ...” Henry never finishes the sentence, his gaze dropping to the floor. His whole body language tells you that he's in pain. Even after three hundred years. You think about it and you are sure that you have suffered more than he. He leaves without saying good bye, without waiting for a response, silently and without a trace he's just gone. You sit there in your office and don't know what to say or think. The next time he comes you ask him to leave. To leave and to not come back, this time for real. You threaten to kill him if he ignores your request. He vanishes without saying another word, goes invisible right before your eyes but you'll never forget the way he looked at you. You don't see him again before you step on that train. It'll be weeks, even months before then. It feels like you're dying and you think that the pain in your heart is just from losing your son and losing the war if you don't find a solution for your problem._

_You couldn't have been more wrong._

_~_

 You are ashamed of the selfish thoughts you had back then and you wish you had had the strength to put your arms around him but you didn't. You were afraid of the coldness of his skin, a constant reminder of what he is. You know now that Henry isn't what he seems to be. He's no monster. In fact he is more human than many humans you've met. He is gorgeous, patient, easy to please, a well-read mind, an impressive fighter, caring and all those things you love most about humans. Which is the only thing that he _isn't._ Not anymore. Instead he is damned to live a life struggling against the darkness of his own nature without the salvation of mortality.

~

 “ _Abe, you should write to him. Just sit down and write a letter. It isn't...” You interrupt Will briskly and push aside the thought of Henry. It isn't like you are able to get rid of him anyway. He is just there, even when he isn't. There are vampires all around you, every day, in your thoughts, in your words; and so is Henry. After all, he is a vampire, but you’ve found yourself thinking about him in a different way. You're still angry with him but a part of you knows that it isn't his fault. It is yours._

  _Later that evening you sit down and write a letter. You never deliver it but you write it. You write down everything that is on your mind and … at the end, when you write “yours, Abe” you learn something that you didn't know about yourself. Thinking about it you realise that it has been this way since you first met Henry. You don't know when you fell for him but, at some point in your friendship, you did. Maybe it was that day in the woods, when he exposed his bare neck to your axe. You didn't know about his undead nature but you couldn't look away from his pale skin. Maybe you fell years later in this small alleyway when his hands shook with the rush of his latest feed. Maybe it was at one of the evenings he spent in your office or telling stories to Willie. It doesn't matter anyway, because it isn't important_ when _you noticed, it's just important that you actually_ did _._

  _You are so angry with yourself that you leave your office and step outside onto the terrace. There, in the darkness without anybody to witness it, you speak the words aloud for the first time.It feels like you betray Mary just by saying those words. You struggle with yourself over those words, about the feelings deep down in your body whenever someone mentions Henry or you believe you see him in the shadows in front of your office windows._

  _Now you're able to identify the urgent feeling you had when Henry was around you and even more when he wasn't. You thought it was fear. No, not really fear but … distrust? You can't find a word that fits what you mean. You were wrong anyway. Sending him away was the hardest thing you've ever done besides burying your son. Definitely the stupidest thing you've ever done. Nevertheless the words that you entrust to the darkness are the truth. A truth you denied for years. You love Henry, and you hate him. Hate him for being what he is. You can't help but wonder if it is possible to love and hate someone this much at the same time._

_~_

 You’ve loved him sincethat summer in the woods. You loved him when he sent you off into the world and you loved him when you learned that he's a vampire. It's not the kind of love you felt for Mary but it's not weaker or less valuable. It's just different. Mary was the love of your human life. Henry instead is the love of your whole _lives,_ all of them. The love of your life as a hunter, the love of your life as a man struggling against darkness, the love of the life you'll live when Mary is long gone.He's the love that will survive everything, in all your lives, no matter how many there may be.

~

  _You are afraid when he finally shows up on that train. You never wanted him there. He can't help you since he is unable to kill his vampire sire.On the other hand, it feels like you're finally able to breathe again. It feels like it has been years since you looked into his deep brown eyes. You brush off the feeling of relief; anger is lashing out at Henry before you even know what you’re saying. You can't help yourself and you can't stop. Right now you need to concentrate on your fight not on Henry. He doesn't leave. Of course he doesn't._

  _You can't believe what you see when Henry shoves his arm between your neck and Adam’s fangs. You hear him screaming and then you see him fighting and you don't think that you've ever seen anything this impressive. You don't have time to watch, not really, but you do anyway. You can't help yourself. You hear Henry laughing at Adam when he discovers that the train is a decoy and you imagine that his eyes sparkle with joy. Then there is nothing more than the fight and all you hope is that Henry makes it off the train._

  _You get the chance to kill Adam and you don't do it just as vengeance for your boy's death but for Henry as well._

  _You are surprised to find Henry holding onto the locomotive for dear life, waiting for you and Will to jump so he can let go._

  _You know that this is your chance. It may be the only one you get._

  _Before you can speak a single word of what you really want to say, after you have thanked him and told him that a wise man told you to always have a contingency plan, he collapses against you. There is dark blood all over him. You see his eyes roll back and then there is nothing. You catch him, holding him up while Will retrieves the horses you’d hidden._

_~_

 Henry stirs again, moving a bit more and mumbling. It sounds like he is pleading and you know it won't be long before you have to wake him to prevent another nightmare. “Hush. It's alright. You're safe. Nothing will happen to you. I'm right here to protect you.” It's a bit funny to suggest that Henry needs someone to protect him, but it is working. He stops moving, stops mumbling and his expressionsettles. You draw him closer, tucking him against your side, wrapping your arms around him like the night you told him … told him what you needed to tell him.

~

  _You’d said those words a thousand times in your mind but the first time you tell him he is tucked against your chest after the fight on the train. After you realise that he is hurt. Vampires may not be able to_ kill _those they’ve sired_ _but they obviously can_ hurt _each other. He is pale, even more than usual. His skin seems transparent. He sits sideways across the horse in front of you, clinging to you like you're his lifeline. That is the point when you really understand. You_ are _his lifeline. He was willing to give up everything for you; literally everything. He was there when nobody else was, protected you from his vampire sire without wasting a single thought on his own life._

 “ _I love you,” you whisper against his hair, wrapping one arm a bit more tightly around his body to steady him. The motion of the horse and your own heart beat picking up speed are the only things you are aware of._ _Henry is silent, deathly silent. He doesn't have a beating heart and his breathing is so slow and barely noticeable that you are afraid of really losing him. You don't know if he heard you but it doesn't matter anyway. You feel high from actually expressing what you feel. You promise yourself that you'll say those words again when he's awake and looking right into your eyes._

  _He shifts a bit, snuggling_ _closer to you like he is trying to melt into your warm body. That is the first time you aren't afraid of his cold skin. It's the first time you actually draw him closer to yourself without needing to. There is silence for a few minutes before you hear a low whisper right against the skin of your neck. “I know. I love you too. Always have, still do and always will.” When you lower your gaze to look at Henry's face, his eyes are closed_. _He doesn't smile and there is a sharp line around his mouth that you know is a sign that he's in pain. Maybe you just imagined him saying those words back to you. Maybe you didn't._

~

 Since that first time you’ve said it many times. Before you head out to hunt,between fighting, after feeding, before sleeping, when you wake up and he is still asleep. You can't count the times you've said them but you know that you will keep saying them until the day Henry can't hear them any longer. Even then you don't think you will stop loving him or stop saying those words even if he isn't around to hear them. A part of you is afraid of that day and deep down you know that you'll follow after him a short time later. No matter where he is.

 You kiss him on the temple again, breathing in his scent and it calms you down immediately.

~

  _Henry doesn't wake up while riding. You carry him into your home. He seems to weigh nothing in your arms and you are surprised how fragile he looks once you've laid him down on the bed. With Will's help you get him out of his clothes and let him sleep._

  _He sleeps for more than a whole day. You watch the way his wounds are healing, way too fast for a human. Will isn't questioning you watching over a vampire. He just stays and helps you, forcing you to eat and drink and clean up. He is there when Henry has a nightmare, a bad one, and you both fight against his blind fear, pain and sheer inability to wake up. His blows aren't as strong as normal but still he manages to knock Will out before he sinks back into the dead-like sleep of healing. You help Will back to his feet. “Wow. Thank God he isn't awake and on form. With his normal strength that blow would've killed me, wouldn’t it?”_

  _You simply nod. What else can you say?_

 “ _You really must love him.” Will doesn't say more but he doesn't have to. You can't deny it and you don't try to. With that, everything is said and you simply wait for Henry to wake up. He wakes without any kind of warning. One moment he's out cold and the next he's wide awake, staring at you, struggling to get his memory in order. You can see his mind working and you wait for the pieces to fall in place before you lean in and kiss him. It is a sweet kiss, a longing kiss. A kiss that says all those words you never said and you're about to say now. You don't get a chance to say anything at all because Henry falls asleep again right after the kiss. You aren't angry about it, you just feel relieved that he has woken._

_You stretch out on the bed next to Henry, wrapping your arms around him, drawing him closer. His head lies on your shoulder and his cold hand over your beating heart. You feel like this is everything you ever waited for. It's different from the nights sleeping beside Mary. It's more peaceful and more … you. Just you. Nothing else. Nothing happens that night. Henry wakes up a few more times, sometimes he’s screaming, sometimes he seems like he’s about to cry. You soothe him with gentle words and warm hands and he sinks back to sleep._

_~_

 You chuckle softly. Since that night you have spent so many nights with Henry that you can't remember the exact number. Sometimes it's you who's waking up from a nightmare, sometimes it's him. After a bad hunt it's both of you at the same time. All of the nights next to Henry have something in common: you feel like you belong here.

~

  _The next time Henry wakes up he's completely healed. This time you have the chance to say everything you want. He listens to you, unable to look away. He seems surprised by your confession. At least you think so, until he cuts your rambling short with a kiss. It's a bit strange to feel his cold lips against your warm mouth but you already love that feeling._

  _He breaks the kiss, leaning back, watches you from dark eyes … and asks the question you didn’t think about all night._

 “ _What about Mary?”_

  _He doesn't sound like he's afraid. To be honest, he sounds like he already knows what you're about to answer. “I love her. With all my heart.” Your voice is barely audible but Henry just smiles._

_~_

 You shift a bit to get a better look at Henry's face. He seems younger when he's asleep. Maybe it was this visible vulnerability that made Mary kind to him when she found out. You don't think so. Mary was just good in accepting what made you happy. Sometimes you think you weren't good enough for her, not honest enough, not … just not enough at all.

~

  _Mary comes home a few days later. She finds you and Henry on the couch. Henry's asleep, as most of the time these days. He’s still unsteady on his feet and easily tires. He hasn't been out for hunting or feeding since you returned from the train. He lays curled up next to you, his head on your lap and your hand in his hair. Mary doesn't say a word when she enters the room. She just smiles, leaves again and comes back with two extra blankets, leaning down to kiss you on the corner of your mouth. You are afraid of her fury but she isn't angry at all. She puts the blanket on Henry's sleeping form carefully, stroking his head and then snuggles herself against your other side. You don't know what to say or do, so you stay silent, not daring to take a deep breath. You don't want Henry to wake up and witness the following fight._

  _A fight that never comes._

  _Instead of yelling or screaming or anything else, Mary entangles your fingers with hers and begins to speak. She talks about all those nights when Henry was there, telling stories to Willie or talking about the war with you. About seeing how you looked at Henry and about the way you acted around him._

 “ _You speak in your sleep, Abe. I don't know how many times you've woken me with screaming Henry's name, begging him to stay with you, asking him not to go deeper into a war which isn't his but yours.”_

  _You didn't know. You can't remember your dreams most of the time and nobody else slept next to you but Mary so there is nobody else who would tell you that you speak in your sleep._

  _Mary isn't angry. She has known longer than you, from the first time she met Henry at your wedding and she knows that he was around even after you asked him to go. He was there, protecting your family, trying to keep you all safe. The day Willie was attacked was the first day in weeks he wasn't around. You ask Mary why she knows that and you don’t and she laughs._

 “ _I asked him for a meeting after I read your journal a few weeks after our wedding. He came and I asked him to make sure we were safe. The night Willie … died … he was there because I told him to come.”_

  _You can hardly believe what your wife is telling you, but why should she lie?_

 “ _First I was angry with him for not being there when … it happened but then … he looked so destroyed, like it had been his son and I asked if he ever had kids. He said yes. Ask him yourself. He'll tell you the story.”_

  _There are more words in the night. The first time in a long time you have felt truly like yourself, surrounded by everything that matters to you. Mary is happy for you that you finally realise and from that night on the three of you live in a strange kind of relationship. Mary and Henry are not lovers but dear friends. Henry is around a lot, he's still there when you leave for the theatre that … damn night._

_~_

 Henry told you his story after you asked him. He told you about Edeva and his unborn child and it made you cry. He told you about all the loves he had to let go over the years and the decision to never let anybody that near again. You're happy that he's not good with rules. Sure, you were angry when you realised what he'd done to you, kind of. Anyway, Henry was there when you woke up after you were shot in the head and died.

~

  _It's strange. There is pain. So much pain and yet you feel no need to do anything against it. You feel a hand on your arm and think it is Mary, because Henry's touch feels cooler than your own skin. The hand on your arm doesn’t feel cold nor does it feel warmer than you. You keep your eyes closed, not willing to wake up until you at least know where you are. You smell rain and stone and earth and you're sure it isn't your bedroom. Neither is it the theatre where you and Mary should be right now._

 “ _Abe.”_

  _It's Henry's voice you hear, and your eyes snap open._

  _The world around you is dark. Not too dark to see Henry sitting next to you leaning with his back to a wall. A wall of stone. Bare stone. You look around and you know exactly where you are._

  _In your tomb._

 “ _I am sorry.” Henry's voice is a low whisper but you have no difficulty understanding him. He looks like he would like to run away or to hide or do anything other than sit next to you, staring at you … clearly waiting for something._

  _You realise._

  _His hand on your arm doesn't feel cold because you're as cold as he is. Deathly cold. He hesitantly nods, moves a bit away from you as if he is afraid that you would actually try and hurt him. You close your eyes. You never wanted this. Not ever. Not for you. When your work is done here you wanted to move on … to move … move? There is a bitter taste in your mouth and you feel like you are going to throw up. You would've left Henry behind. There is no way he could follow you wherever you were going if you have stayed dead. You aren't angry. Not really. Not at all._

  _Again you open your eyes, looking at him and slowly stretching out your hand towards him, trying to smile. He smiles back at you, looking relieved and reassured._

 “ _I had to. Some men are too interesting to let them die.”_

  _You don't have an answer for that and instead you kiss him. It's a whole new sensation feeling his lips on yours and you smile into the kiss._

  _You weren't ready when he asked you to join him in eternity. Now you are._

  _You return to Mary to say good bye. She hugs both of you, kisses both of you – you on the mouth and Henry right under his left eye – and makes you promise to watch out for each other and that you come back when it's her time to go. Not to turn her – she couldn't leave her baby boy alone in heaven – but to say goodbye for ever. You promised. Both of you. Then you leave, continuing the fight you'd started. You aren't young again but Henry's vampire blood works through your system very well. It has smoothed the lines around your eyes and erased the signs of age on your skin. It took away the pain from the many fights against vampires and humans and …yes, you are happy._

_~_

 Henry shifts again, shaking slightly like he is freezing. It's the next sign on his way to a nightmare and you know it's too late to do anything to prevent it. It's still a mystery to you why vampires actually sleep and dream. Why vampires need to breathe but don't have a steady heartbeat. You learned that they have a beating heart right after drinking blood and that you have to give someone your blood to turn him. There are still a lot of mysteries to solve about vampires and Henry doesn't know the answer to everything. Like you. You didn't know for a long time why Henry broke the promise you forced him to make – about not turning you – not until you found one of your old diaries. You whisper your memories against Henry's skin, kissing his face, his mouth, his exposed neck in an attempt to sooth him.

~

_You can't remember Henry ever writing in a diary. To be more exact – you've never seen him do it. It's one of your old ones. The one you gave him to hold onto before you left with Mary for the theatre. The last few pages aren't written in your handwriting ... it's Henry's, small and even. You would recognise his handwriting anywhere._

 “ _Abe was shot. In that damn theatre. Mary came back without him, unable to stop crying and … I really don't know what to write. I just need to get the thought of him dying out of my mind. He can't die. He simply can't. That would mean he’s left me behind and …”_

_You stop reading. It is the date of your death that makes you sick and nauseous but … you can't stop reading. Some of the words aren't really legible; the ink smudged by something, your best guess is it was Henry's tears._

 “ _They called it. Abe is officially dead. Mary is … not good. It's even worse than after the death of Willie and … I can't leave her like this. I simply can't. They took Abe's body to Springfield. Mary wants to follow but I can't. She made me come with her, clinging to me like I am everything that she has left. Maybe I am. I …_

  _Mary begs me to turn Abe into a vampire. She cries and begs and cries again and … I promised him I wouldn’t. I can't break my promise. I … Dear God, whoever you are … stop this, please; I beg you … stop this. I can't stand this anymore.”_

  _Again you stop reading and unfold the small piece of paper that is stuck between the pages. This time it isn't Henry's handwriting, it's Mary's._

 

“ _Dear Abe,_

 

_When you read this you will be alive. Not alive like you were but … still here. Still breathing and still at Henry's side. I really hope it doesn't come to the point where he has to give you this letter. It means that you tried to kill him and tried to end your new life. I really hope you listen to him and that you stop being … so you - just for a second - to honour the gift he has given you, even though I made him do it. I had to force him to do it. He didn't break his promise. I will simply tell you what I told him. You are what he needs to keep on fighting the darkness that is still all around the world. I can't ask him to stop his fight and join us in death someday. And I can't ask him to go on without you. Since … your death he's been around me all the time. He never tries to touch me in any way that might be … inappropriate but he curls up around me on the couch late at night when I can't get to sleep. Sometimes he nods off, moving uneasily in his sleep, mumbling your name under his breath and … Abe, seriously … how could you have thought that he would be able to go on without you? You were the reason he lived all those years. You two were meant to be. He was waiting for you and you were waiting for him since the day you were born. I told him that you are the love of my life and I know that you feel the same for me, but unlike him I am just the love of your human life. Not of all of your lives. You still have a lot to do. Like him. You need him and … he needs you. More than I do. _

 

_I still love you Abe, but I am willing to let you go … just for him._

 

_Yours_

_Mary”_

 

_After that you need fresh air and then you go back to read the rest, written in Henry's handwriting again._

 “ _I can't believe she really made me do this. Right now I am sitting next to you. It was so damn easy to sneak into your grave and give you my blood. It started to work immediately through your body. It healed the gunshot wound and you are gasping with pain now. I don’t think it's a pleasure to return from the dead like this. I will never know because I will never ask. I hope you will never have to read Mary's letter. I resistedher for a week, maybe a little more, and then I couldn't stand it any longer and left to get you back. I promised to return to Mary afterwards. I hope that there is an afterwards for me.”_

_You lay down the book as Henry enters the living room of your current home in Washington D.C. One look at your face and Henry knows exactly what you have been reading. You can't be angry at him. You have no reason. All you do is beckon him over and he is there within half a breath. You draw him into your arms, kissing his face and you know that it's alright. You are the reason Henry's still here, still hunting and breathing and smiling and you can't imagine a life without him._

_~_

Mary was right. She was always right. She sacrificed the love of her life for Henry. You can't thank her enough for that.

Your words are no longer enough to calm Henry down so you gently shake him until his eyes flutter open. He tries to get away from you. You are used to that. It's always like that when he's afraid of himself. “Hush. Easy. Just breathe,” you whisper in his hair after pulling him close again. He struggles against you but you don't let go, hold him tight until he relaxes. You don't ask about his dream. Not now … you will after a few hours. Mostly it's Henry who starts talking about it, trying to purge the memories. You are like two sides of one coin. Your hands stroke his bare back until you feel his breathing even out again, then you go back to drawing small circles on his skin.

You don't let yourself drift back into the memories. Instead you lean down to place small feather-light kisses on Henry's skin. Every kiss is accompanied with a word. “I love you. I always have, still do and always will,” you whisper and watch the lines in his face vanishing. It's the truth. It has always been the truth and it will be until the day both of you have to go.

Until that day there will be more years than a human life and more fights than a human should ever be in but you two are born for this. You were both born to protect the humans when they can't do it themselves.

With Henry by your side you can fight anything. You can survive anything.

You always will.


End file.
